So I just pulled a big move and deleted the previously mentioned SP from facebook. SP and I had quite a few similar interests over the years, and thats always kept us well bonded, however, I noticed within the past year or so, that whenever I spoke to her, it was as if I was trying to impress her, like the way I was wasn’t good enough to be on her level.
I’m not sure if this was as a result of always feeling she was so much smarter than me in school, or more as a result of the air of snobbish superiority she seems to carry.
AM mentioned something to me yesterday about privilege. She said: “I know SP refers a lot to privilege (e.g. coloured privilege). But I feel a privilege that gets undermentioned in the world of tumblr is that of mental health – I think being mentally healthy is a privilege and I think SP might be abusing that privilege, or not acknowledging that privilege by refusing to follow your tumblr?”
It was an interesting perspective on things. SP unfollowed my tumblr because “she didn’t know how to help me and can’t handle seeing that depressing shit all over her dash”. It wasn’t due to a lack of understanding, but to an unwillingness to attempt to understand. As AM mentioned to me, SP is a big supporter of rights and representation on various issues (sexuality, feminism, white privilege), but she tends to be highly selective and discounts other forms of privilege that are of equal importance, not supporting those in which she is a part of the majority. I can completely understand unfollowing someone on the basis of being uncomfortable with what they post (heck, I’ve unfollowed a few who posted too many things that were triggering for me) but to unfollow because “you don’t get it” and “don’t know what I expect from you”, that is kind of a shitty move.
So today, I made the executive decision to cut SP off on facebook. No doubt she will notice shortly and question it, and I don’t honestly know how I’ll deal with it, but I will when the time comes. For right now, I feel more secure in myself and less judged.
It’s a weird experience, cutting off people you’ve been friends with for years, but all gardens need to be weeded regularly in order for the flowers to grow, and mine hasn’t been cleared in a while. I’ve been overshadowed by these somewhat toxic “friendships” for far too long and it’s finally time for me to receive some sunlight.