Some Nights I Stay Up (Cashing In My Bad Luck)

This’ll be a long one. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

This post is basically going to encompass the past three days. Saturday was a particularly bad one for me. I still haven’t worked out what was up, but I was in an absolutely awful mood. I didn’t want anything to do with anyone, I was short and snappy towards everybody, and my Mum told me off multiple times for being rude (which she hasn’t had to do in forever). The waterworks made multiple appearances too. No matter how many times I tried to breathe through it I couldn’t help how I was feeling. It wouldn’t switch off. We went out to dinner and the movies as a family and I still wasn’t in a good mood. I’m sinking back into the feelings of not being appreciated in my family. My siblings don’t listen to me at all when I try to talk or partake in conversation, and then if they are paying attention to what I’m saying it usually results in them picking on me or poking fun at me. I’ve tried to be really nice towards all of them recently (especially since the new year) but they just seem to be getting worse towards me. To top it off, Mum has been all kinds of odd lately. It’s like she only half listens and I can’t work out if she is extra stressed or what is going on, because it just seems like she doesn’t care anymore. I just can’t work it out.

I apologised to her yesterday morning for the way I acted, and tried to explain that I just don’t know why I was being the way I was. Mum says she knew something was up because she had to call me out for the same things several times, but I still don’t know why I was acting that way to start with. So briefly summed up, Saturday was the worst day of 2015 so far because I just could not control my emotions, and thus I spent most of the day hating myself for it (and in general).

We watched Taken 3 that night too and I hate to admit I was disappointed with it. Taken and Taken 2 were both great movies, action-filled, kind of jumpy, kind of made you pee a little in fear, and I just found that thrill factor missing from number three. Completely honestly, it was a boring movie and I wouldn’t suggest people go and watch it. Wait until it’s out on DVD and then hire it for seven bucks from your local video store – costs you less and you get the convenience of being bored in your own home.

Yesterday was comparatively much better. I didn’t sleep real well and it took a while to get kickstarted and out of bed, but I met up with the beautiful Amy for lunch and a movie. We met around 12 and spent a good three and a half hours just chatting, first in the food court where we had lunch, and then in the coffee shop where we went for milkshakes. It was so nice to finally catch up in person again and properly discuss the things we’ve been discussing over Facebook messenger for the past few weeks. I think the reason we work so well is there has never been any expectation in our friendship. There was never an issue of feeling like we needed to impress each other or be better to be worthy of being friends. We’ve always just simply gotten along, and the more time I spend with her the more I’m realising we have quite similar opinions on things even though some of our interests are wildly different. I really like the fact that the things we do disagree on, it has never been an issue of who is right, we’ve always just tried to understand the others point of view, even when it hasn’t been compatible with our own.

Whilst having rather different dealings with the same school, and being at opposite ends of the expectation spectrum throughout our high school years, we can both agree that it has had quite negative side effects in hindsight. I think this only further helps our friendship realistically, as we can both see the damages that our school did, not only to ourselves, but to each other. I have to say I feel so proud of Amy sometimes, after all the pressure put on us in high school, she could very easily have cracked (much like I did while I was still in school) however she has taken that, and dealt with it all so incredibly well. Then I look at the way she is handling her recent breakup and it amazes me. Her strength in this period of her life, and her ability to still be there to offer advice and support my messed up head is inspiring.

Similarly to my Mum, Amy wants to attempt a little match-making, however comparatively to my Mum, she doesn’t want to throw me to the wolves. I actually, honestly lost track of the amount of times yesterday that Amy mentioned her friend (who I will refer to from here on by his first initial, Z). So many times something would be said and it would come back to “Z this” or “I think you’d really get along with Z”. I have to say though, I am now incredibly intrigued to meet this Z fellow. I can only hope that Amy has said as many good things about me to him, as she has about him to me. (I do however doubt this because he sounds genuinely lovely and I’m 99% certain I’m a bitch most of the time).

I do however look forward to meeting him, which should happen next month because he sounds like a wonderful person. And I just realised how funny/mildly embarrassing it could be if he ever reads this but oh well.

After our super long catch up, we went and watched Into The Woods. I didn’t realise initially but the film is actually based off of the stage show of the same name, so it was basically a musical theatre production on screen. I absolutely loved it. I’m a fairly decent musical theatre/theatre in general fan, and I absolutely loved Disney and the Grimm’s Brothers fairytales (also Hans Christian Andersen but thats not relevant here). Into The Woods is a film in which they’ve mashed up the Grimm’s Brothers versions of Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Cinderella and Jack and the Beanstalk. The characters storylines intermingle and cross in various ways. There was lots and lots of singing and it was wonderfully catchy! I had the main song stuck in my head afterwards! I was fairly impressed but I think it specifically targets an audience that is inclined towards musical theatre and the darker side of fairytales. Overall, yesterday was a feel good, successful day.

I’m not going to go into detail about today. It was somewhere between below average and very messy, and I don’t really feel like reliving it right now.

Have a good one y’all 🙂


One thought on “Some Nights I Stay Up (Cashing In My Bad Luck)

  1. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Keep your head up beautiful gal, I think 2015 is set to be an amazing year for both of us, I just have this feeling 🙂


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