I’m feeling a ridiculous NEED to write at this current moment in time. Not about anything in particular but my hands and my mind are itching to get something out.
It is a very flat day at work today. I got into the office at 8:30 this morning, and I had completed everything that was necessary by about 10am. I’ve been sitting here horribly bored for the last three hours. Add this to a sense of loneliness from everybody else being out and busy and you have one very on-edge, 21-year old sitting here.
Yesterday was quite similar. The loneliness was intense. I text messaged my parents at one stage simply saying “Hi. I love you guys. xx” My mother messaged back saying, “I love you too. R U OK?” It still is so odd to me, so difficult to comprehend that she knew something wasn’t right based on a simple text message. It’s not as though I don’t tell her I love her often (I say it at least three times daily), but the random text and tone probably tipped her off.
Just last week I had the weirdest experience. I’d just hopped into bed with my hoodie and laptop, and I was hit by this incredibly clear, scary vision of myself, in the exact same position as I was in but with severe, injuries to my wrists. This threw me completely for a loop that night and I was jittery and over-emotional. I still don’t know how to feel about that night.
Just now I was actually interrupted by a phone call from my sister who was “just calling to check if you are okay”. She thought she’d just call and check in. I don’t know whether to feel flattered or mildly confused, because it’s not something she does often. I can’t help but wonder if she sense it.
Each paragraph here is basically like a new subject matter entirely. What the hell.
In other news, I’m thinking of applying to University again to begin in Second Semester. I’m looking at doing a full time Bachelor of Arts; with a double major in Writing and Communication&Cultural Studies. This will effectively allow me to study focusing on the two things I’m most passionate about – writing and sociology. I will be able to do focal studies on gender, sex and sexuality as well as focusing on being the best writer I can be. The options are limitless and I’m very much looking forward to it. I just have to force myself through my Real Estate course first, by the middle of March.
And now I’ve run out of things to write. Lunch time it must be.