Yes, I Do Look Tired And Here’s Why

Thought Catalog

iStock / EversteiStock / Everste

It’s 12:52 AM on a Tuesday. The club is not going up. I’m clicking on a new thing every two seconds.

Click. Click. Click.

My brain works in morse code, trying to piece together my own incoherency when everyone else is too busy soaking up sleep. The messages stop. The texts cease. So it’s just me.

I’m typing patterns with my own fingers. Click. Stop. Click. Stop. I’m lonely. Click. Stop. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Click. Stop. I need to go back to therapy. Click. Stop. I can’t afford what they’re going to tell me. Click. Stop.

I do the usual rounds: Twitter, Facebook, Email, YouTube. Look at my phone at Snapchat. He’s looked at my Snap. No text though. I reached out for help, and he ignored it. Funny, I think. He told me he was an asshole. Should have believed it.

Click. Think about…

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I haven’t written in almost three weeks.

I’ve written absolutely nothing in the past almost three weeks. It feels so wrong, but yet still, I’m at a loss for what to write.

The last three weeks have been an absolute mess. I can’t even go into detail as to exactly why it’s been so messy as I’m still unable to formulate coherent thoughts on the events. I honestly don’t even have a rough idea of how I can explain it to anyone, nor do I have the slightest clue as to what I even started writing this post for other than the fact that I haven’t in a while.

It’s not even just been blog posts I have written. I literally have not written anything even on scraps of paper that forms any kind of coherent (or incoherent) thought process or feelings. Right now, I’m curled up on my couch in the living room, with my beautiful Mum on the next couch over, holding myself and typing single-handedly as though by holding myself I may be able to contain my mess of emotions.

Not much has worked so far, so I’ve been browsing across Youtube, and I stumbled my way back to the plethora of Disney songs and found this one which has me feeling somewhat inspired, even momentarily.

This Is How Hard It Really Is To Stay Clean When You Have A Serious Self-Harm Addiction

Thought Catalog

I want to start off by stating outright that some of what’s written below may be a trigger for those who struggle with a self-injury addiction. I say this because while I am okay discussing this aspect of my history, I know all too well that others’ openness can sometimes provoke unwelcome feelings.

When I appeared on MTV’s The Buried Life, I knew full well that I was going to be one of the many faces/voices representing the struggles behind the addiction of cutting. I feel that also means I must accept being accountable. I am choosing to share this story because I made myself a promise that I would be honest during my journey—no matter what.

A few months back, I was going through a really rough patch and I let my mind play a trick on me: “It only counts if you cut,” I told myself. I let…

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Books Over Boyfriends

Thought Catalog

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I am a physical book kind of girl.

I love the feel of the pages, the aesthetic of the inside cover panel and the way I can gauge my progress simply by glancing at the bookmark. I can’t read a book without a highlighter & page flags close by. Every book I’ve ever read is a well-loved, dog-eared, color-coded wonderland.

I’m sharing this with you because I want to help you understand my love affair with books. You see, this is a relatively new thing for me….

I always thought that by this age, a man would have my heart.

However, as a traveling sorority consultant working primarily with 18-22 year old women, run-ins with the male species are hard to come by. So, I’ve been spending most of my free time cozying up with books, and I’ve come to realize that they make great companions. They make me less…

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How Do You Stop Yourself From Becoming Jaded?

Thought Catalog

Eugenio MarongiuEugenio Marongiu

Why are people so weird about attraction? It’s the most natural thing in the world—to be drawn to other people. We spend all this time trying to define beauty when what we should be doing is expanding beauty, seeing beauty in all.

It’s always so jarring to me when someone makes a comment that another person is “ugly.” I’m not saying this to be on some high horse or anything, but I genuinely do not evaluate people in that way so it’s always so uncomfortable when I’m around someone who does, who sees people as beautiful and ugly, worthwhile and not, valuable and not. It truly does not occur to me to look at another person and determine their hotness rating on a scale of one to ten. I think I do a pretty good job of discerning between someone who I find attractive versus someone I don’t…

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23 Things Only People Who Love Spending Time Alone Will Understand

Thought Catalog

Sascha KohlmannSascha Kohlmann

1. A weekend in which you have no plans, no responsibilities, and nowhere at all to be, ranks as one of the best weekends you’ll ever have.

2. Sometimes friends will try to make plans with you and you have no reason to decline except for the fact that you just want to be alone that day. (Your plan is to have no plans, people need to understand that by now, right?)

3. A good album, book, or television show can keep your attention far longer than any party, club, or bar could.

4. Going away to a remote cabin in the middle of the woods to just exist for a period of time sounds like the best idea for a vacation that you can think of.

5. There is nothing more exciting than planning a long, solo road trip, because you know you’re going to be able…

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